9/01/2008

I can't get any Cooter!!

I went to the south last week and long story short, I go into the redneck culture. They are such an anthropological find! Anyway, I mentioned a reality show on the country music channel, CMT. So, da old man comments and says that he, "doesn't watch the music videos" (yeah, right, Joe!!), but he watches a show on there called, "Redneck Wedding". Well, if it's good enough for crotchety, then it's good enough for me!

I'm watching it right now, and we might have a good one on our hands. Who doesn't love watching rednecks in their natural habitat?

One upsetting drawback that Joe didn't bother to mention is that it's hosted by none other than Tom Arnold. I can't stand listening to him talk through his nose! It makes me crazy! I guess it's all the blow he's done or ALLEGIDLY does. Oh, sorry, this is a redneck show. All the meth he ALLEGIDLY does.

That beside the point, we meet our couple. They are cute as a buttom. Whooops! I mean cute as a button. Elaine, the bride, is hand writing the invitations while the groom, Bruce, is drinking a lot of Budweiser Beers. It turns out that they want to save on postage, so they are stuffing the empty bottles with the invitations and throwing them on their friend's lawns. They are both too drunk to drive, so they use their trusty golf cart for just such occasions. No one told them that they still can get a DUI. But, I guess the only thing they could hurt is maybe a squirrel and after all that's free dinner. Win/win situation.

They are planning on having the ceremony on a picturesque mud bog. Bobby, the bog owner, thinks they're nuts, but he's game if they pay him. She wants macaroni salad, potato salad and Hooter's chicken wings. Oh yeah, and beer. Domestic of course! These colors don't run!

Centerpieces are handpicked wild flowers in beer bottles. They don't smell enough, so she'll use a little perfume. Eau de Meth Lab or something like that. ALLEGEDLY!) I wanted to make a cocktail joke using "creme de meth" instead of "menthe", but I'm too tired, so I went with the perfume thing.

Elaine and Bruce are awesome! A little background: It's their third wedding each. They met in high school thirty years ago. He has a great mullet that she cuts with that vacuum cleaner/hair cutter thingy.

I was just giving you a little color while the commercials were running.

Now it seems that Elaine can't find any cooter! That sounds like a personal problem, Elaine. Stop embarrassing us! The woman wants to serve cooter at her wedding! Alas, cooter isn't in season at the moment. Duh, Elaine!! Bruce isn't marrying her for her brains if you know what I mean!

I have gone on too long! If you want to find out what cooter(sp?) is, then you'll have to do yourself a favor and watch Elaine and Bruces big day on CMT.

Thanks, Joe!! This might be my new favorite show. Besides, "Meet the Press" and "Masterpiece Theatre" I mean.

PS-I can't tell you any more, because you just wouldn't believe it. I WILL tell you that they play horseshoes with toilet seats. No joke!

135 comments:

dani c said...

Ha ha ha , this show sounds like a riot. I'm gonna have to check it out...

Crazy Mom of 3 said...

I gotta see this for myself (and then blog about it myself!)

Athena said...

Putting the wedding invites into beer bottles is pretty genius, actually. ;)

Don said...

Yes, we are indeed quite an anthropological find. However, did you look under any rocks? Now there's where the excitement is - allegedly.

Tommy Buettner said...

Why would I watch a show like that, when I already have family members like that.

I have a cousin that got married in Tenn. and then afterwards, for their wedding dinner, they drove through McDonalds and ordered a 12 pack of cheeseburgers for two for the ride back to southern Illinios.

kittyconcerto.com said...

Oh Mai Gawd!!! I remember watching this trainwreck of a show and about died laughing. I gotta go find it again. Love me some rednecks (as long as they don't touch me)

TheFLy said...

This post is longer than my attention can allow. But I mustered the strength to read it to the end and I dont regret it. This sounds hilarious but I refuse to watch CMT, haha.

Da Old Man said...

I watch about 16 hours of TV per day, so I'm sort of like a TV Sherpa. The Redneck Wedding show is about the best thing on TV, period. You did a great synopsis, leaving just enough that anyone who watches will still be surprised.

Petra said...

No way, this can't be real!

Is it?

Chat Blanc said...

cooter?? I thought that was. . . um, you know, a "private part". but what the hell do I know?? ;)

Kirsten said...

@dani-You have to!

@crazy mom-It will not disappoint!

@athena-It would have been better if they let them dry first.

@don-Good suggestion! I didn't even think of that.

@tommy-Wait! I think I was in that wedding!

@kitty-i know, I can't wait to see another episode.

@thefly-You'll watch it, my friend, you'll watch it!

@da old man-thanks for the show suggestion!

@petra-It looks real to me!

@chat blanc-I'm right with on the whole cooter thing. You'll have to watch to find out what it is!

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