Happy Halloween??

Just wanted to say, "Happy Halloween" to everybody!!

I hope you're having a better day than this kid!

BTW, if anyone can tell me what this guy is supposed to be, I would appreciate it.

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Guess Who Isn't Getting Any!

This is a little game I like to play called, "Guess Who Isn't Getting Laid Tonight". It's simple, just a few pictures of people who will never, ever procreate. Which is not necessarily at bad thing.

Exhibit A-This guy:

Exhibit B-The poor bastard who decides to wear these:

"Excuse me while I input your fake phone number into my iPhone."

Exhibit C-I don't know either:

Exhibit D-The only thing she's getting is a nice bowl of soup.

And last but not least, my FAVORITE. If you can guess what purpose this serves, other than ensuring she won't get any, I would love to know.

Thanks for participating!!

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There's a Surprise in the Bag!

I love my commenters!! They are so funny and helpful! Today I wanted to recognize the evil genius behind, "That's Funny Because", Eve Cleveland. She came up with a great Halloween party idea for me. Her game was a hit! Here is her suggestion...
Here is one that is time tested and mama approved-plus, it don't cost nothin'. It's called "There's a suprise in the bag!" All that's required is an old brown bag with somethin in it that is sure to git a start out of them buggers. Give a lil pitch then say, "Who wants to stick their hand in the bag first?!" Sound real peppy. Mouse traps work great!
We so enjoyed, "There's a Surprise in the Bag"!! Who knew you could have so much fun with mouse traps?

As expected, there were a few bleeding-heart, whiny parents who had a problem with it. Tips of your fingers grow back. Don't they? Oh wait! That's starfish! Ooops. Anyway both of those kids have nine more fingers. What's the big deal?

It's okay. I just gave them Eve's lawyer's number. Eve, you've had worse, right?

I guess I'll stop showing off about how great my Halloween party was. It's probably getting boring for all of you. You're actually probably fighting off those pesky feelings of jealousy right now. I won't rub it in your face anymore. Except for this:

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That's Heinous!

I just wanted to thank all of you funny mofos who gave me some GREAT Halloween party ideas! I used them all. It was the most exciting party ever!

I would love to give some love to these Martha Stewarts of the web for pushing my party over the edge!

Today, I would like to recognize Heinous, from Irregularly Periodic Ruminations (from now on to be referred to as IPR-I'm tired from typing that out and there are too many misspelling opportunities there) had one of the best ideas.
"How about Marco Polo but with polo mallets? Last one standing wins."
Genius! It's like Heinous is the "Halloween party idea" idiot savant! I don't have to tell you guys that that game was the "hit" of the night. One kid had his eye come out of the socket. The mom got angry, but I thought it just added to the Halloween fun! I told her it was Heinous' fault. Be expecting a call from her sometime this week. I'm sure it will be fine!

In fact, I loved the eyeball fun so much that I made a festive drink out of it.

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Has Someone Seen My Dignity?

I don't want you guys to think that I'm cheap, but times are tough and who couldn't use a nice brand new bag of delicious chocolates! Especially during Halloween week!

My good friend, Joe, from Crotchety Old Man Yells at Cars, is having a fancy contest where he sends his lucky winners a bag of chocolate. In a shameless attempt to get on the very handsome Joe's good side, I decided to do a post on chocolate and how much I love it!

Chocolate can be more things than you think! It can be something for everyone!

If you are a sophisticated shoe lover, then this is for you.

That's real chocolate!

If you're a very religious person, like Don over at Beyond Left Field, then this chocolate Jesus is just for you. (If you're religious in a Christian sort of way, obviously.)

If you're confused about appropriate hygiene, then you can take a chocolate bath.

If you're taste bud challenged, then chocolate covered tomatoes are perfect for you!

If you're just plain old gross you can enjoy these chocolate covered scorpions.

If you are obsessed with early 17th century Spanish literature, there is Don Quixote chocolate.

And, last but not least, something for all the guys out there. Well, not all. (I swear I didn't put this in to sway Da Old Man's opinion on who wins his chocolate.)

Now that I have no more dignity, I will sign out for the day.

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Halloween Party Fun!

I would love any ideas you might have for my Halloween party this weekend. We're having a party for the kids and their friends and I'm trying to think of some good games. I've already come up with the traditional, "tried and true" games like:

-Bobbing for thumb tacks

-Pin the clever on the loser kid (He's coming, thank God!!)

-Trophys for the best and worst costumes. (Usually the home made ones are the worst!)

-Dwarf tossing (I'm renting them for the night and they will be dressed as li'l monsters)

-"I've Got a Secret" game. You should see their faces when I tell them there's no Santa. It's precious!

-"Ghost Hide-n-Seek", where you take the loser kid and have him hide. No one goes to look for him.

However, I would love some non-traditional, original games to play. Any suggestions?

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Blog Sitter Aftermath!

I just got back from a great vacation and I'm just getting into real life again. I know none of you will feel sorry for me, but I have a little, "case of the mondays" on this fine tuesday afternoon. I kinda feel like this, but in an email sort of way...

Anyway, I just wanted to thank Jamie again for doing such a great job with my blog while I was away! Frankly, I was a little nervous about letting that party girl into my place alone, but the place looks pretty good! However, there was one thing that really shocked and disappointed me. 

I walk in the door, and am immediately greeted by this...

As you can imagine, I was so pleased that she actually cleaned up a little! So, I go to check out the kitchen and everyone seems to be as I left it...

The living room  also looked pretty good...

...except I don't have a dog.

But, imagine my horror when I saw this room...

Is that my heart shaped faux-crystal collectible ring dish on that chair? WTF?! That dish NEVER moves from my bathroom counter! 


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