Jesus Doesn't Smoke!

Merry Christmas to all!!!

PS-My mom is trying to stop smoking this year. Is it annoying that I put these all around the house???

Be honest! Am I taking my life into my own hands?


Is that a Reindeer on your Boob or are you Just Happy to See Me?

I'm finally almost prepared for Christmas. I like everything to be perfect! Of course I don't do my own wrapping. I send it out to CrapWrap for that homemade touch! I would recommend it to anyone who wants that extra special touch.

I've chosen a tasteful, yet festive Christmas sweater for my husband to wear.

I'm having trouble deciding between two different Christmas looks for myself. This first sweater
is a traditional beauty sure to wow everyone!

But, I was thinking of breaking with tradition and do something like this:



The Other Side of Prefers Her Loony Idiot Girl in Action

I got an award from a cool blog called, "Lola's Diner". Check it out!

Here are the rules:
1. Put the logo in your blog.
2. Add a link to the person who shared it with you.
3. Pass this award to your Blogger Friends
4. Add your link to the list of participants below
5. Leave a message for your nominee on their blog.

I thought I would send this along to a couple of entertaining blogs worth checking out.

First off, my favorite blogger from Mesa, Arizona, Quirky Loon. Check her out for a good laugh!

Next, we have Meg from Prefers Her Fantasy Life. The Kiss doll on her header is worth the visit alone!!

Another blog that I had to check out just because of the name. It's called Idiot Girl in Action. How can you not love it!

A daily must read is Steven Humour. Enough said.

Last, but definitely not least is The Other Side of Normal. Anyone who names today's post, "Merry Christmas, Fuckers" is okay in my book. Did that come out wrong?


Whooooooo! Whoooooooooo!

Yesterday was secret santa day. Father Muskrat got me. He gave me "bad idea" jeans, knowing that I have a thing against mom jeans. I love my new bad idea jeans! I don't know if it's the acid wash, or the red tag up the butt or the extremely high rise part of the jean I like best. Check them out and I dare you not to laugh! Especially the Haiti part.

Saturday Night Live - Bad Idea Jeans

Father Muskrat also introduced me to my new love. His name is Bubb Rubb. I'm going to Oakland right now and lookin' me up some Bubb Rubb! Nuff said!!

Update:I am disappointed to find out that I'm not the only one with a thing for Bubb Rubb. If you look him up on youtube, you will find out that he already has a following. Where have I been? Even little kids know about him and I didn't! I have a pimp cup and everything. I also happen to be from Oakland myself and I had no idea about the never ending comedy that is Bubb Rubb and li'l sis. I mean, does she have some mad driving skillz or what??

I need to regroup and get my head out of my ass. What else have I been missing?

All I know is that I'm gonna rock the craft circle's world when I roll up with my whistle tip! Biotches!!!


Secret Santa Can Suck It Again!

We had so much fun doing Bee's secret santa thingy last week that we get to do it again! If you aren't familiar, it's when we get to "give" a virtual gift to another blogger that you would get them if you had the money. I got, Kritta this time. Go check out her blog. It's a hoot!

Anyway, it was just Kritta's birthday and she got a brand new iPod from her very awesome hubby. She needs music to fill that thing. Luckily she has a wealthy and giving friend such as I. I am officially not giving her this iTunes gift card with mad coin on it.

Another thing I learned from Kritta is that her husband, while a great guy, might not be the best driver in the world. Just ask his father-in-law! I found a place where she can send her husband and she can hang out while he's there and go to computer, blogging college. I don't know! I saw this picture and it made me laugh. So kill me.

Do you get the comedy there? I mean, it's kinds silly to have a combo driving school and computer college. Whatever! Like all your stuff is so great.

Besides, this is about Kritta. Another thing I learned about Kritta is that she and her family live in Alaska. She is not from Alaska, so I feel it necessary to warn her about the inherent dangers there. I'll let this sign say it all for me. Please read the whole thing, so you are completely prepared. This is no joke.


Which Ornament is for You?

Did you know that there is pretty much a Christmas ornament for everything? No matter who you are, be comforted in the fact that there is an ornament made just for you! Let's look at some examples.

If you have an unhealthy fascination with Elvis, why not include him in your Christmas celebration with this ornament?

Not an Elvis fan? Well, surely you love guns, right?!

Maybe you're a do-it-yourself-er!

On second thought, you suck at making ornaments. It looks like it needs a shot to clear that up. Maybe you should put down the crafting supplies and have a beer.

Trying to stay on the wagon? Maybe you are a Star Wars geek who loves M&Ms!

Ornament also make great hostess gifts. I even found something for the Campbells.
Even hate mongers enjoy a little holiday levity!

There is even an ornament for those of us who enjoy the wonderful world of internal organs.

There are even ornaments that defy logic.

Last, but not least, there are discusting, offensive, abhorrent, sleazy and barf inducing ornaments like this one:


Some Fun with Adolf Hitler!

I came across a charming story yesterday about the Campbell family. It seems that Heath and Deb Campbell are having trouble getting a birthday cake made for their little Adolf Hitler Campbell. Surprisingly enough, their local bakery refuses to provide them with said cake. What's the big deal? These people aren't racist. They explain that they simply don't like races mixing. How much more peace loving and educated can you be? Wait! I know! They can name their other kids, JoyceLynn Aryan Nation Campbell and Honszlynn Hinler Jeannie Campbell.

I particularly like the playful misspelling of "Himler".

Let's look at some of their non-hateful home trailer decor:

Heath seems to enjoy whimsically sprinkling swastikas throughout the trailer. He explains that the swastika should not have a negative connotation because it is just a symbol. (huh?)

Let's go outside and check out his car:

Last, but not least, let's check out some of his stunning aryan nation body art:

My friend Captain Dick over at The Bad Ones Hurt Forever might be able to have fun with this one. Check out his blog. It's hilarious!

Anyway, the long and short of it is that the Campbell's showed that bakery and will get their cake from Wal-Mart. That's helpful for them anyway. That way they can get their cake AND their meth lab supplies all in one place!

Before I go, I want to make sure you know that I'm kidding and I think these people are repugnant. I mean, really, who the hell gets their baked goods from Wal-Mart.


Actual Funny Christmas Cartoons!

You know when you get a stupid forwarded email from one of your "forward email" friends? You know who you are!! I usually don't read them if they are more that five lines long, or if they threaten me with all kinds of bad luck if I don't send it on to 20 of my closest friends. However, this morning my cousin (who has a new blog for you to check out here) sent me one with some Christmas cartoons. Usually they aren't too funny, but a few of them actually made me laugh. I thought I would share some of them with my minions. (that means you)

"Damn contemporary, bullshit architecture!"

Kinda funny, right?

On another note, I wanted to know if any of you have tried this peepalot website. I just registered in hopes of getting "mad traffic". We'll see what happens. Vote for me, or whatever you're supposed to do. If you don't you'll get all kinds of bad luck. (see my mention of not forwarding emails)


Ahhhhh.... Christmas memories!


Thanks for Writing my Post, Suckas!

Two days ago I threw this picture up and asked for some witty captions. I didn't know how funny my readers are! Maybe I should let them write my posts all the time!

Here's what some people had to say...

Reforming Geek:
"My grandma wears army boots. No really, and I'm proud of it. You wanna make somethin' of it? Huh?"

"I'm really 65 but I'm aging backwards. I got these tattoos in 'Nam. Also where I picked up this filthy habit of smoking unfiltered camels. God, my aching back. Give me a fucking foot massage."

Chicks can't hold they smoke. That's what it is..

My milkshake brings all the boys errr girls(cant tell) to the yard...and I'm like...Dayummm right!

There are many more good ones, but I thought I'd give you a little taste today. Thank you to everyone who participated!


Secret Santa Can Suck It!

Bee, over at the aptly titled Bee's Musings has created a "Secret Santa Can Suck It" gift exchange where we give a virtual gift to another blogger. She has given us all our victims and today is the day to exchange insults good wishes.

I was lucky and got one of the best bloggers out there. I got the Crotchety Old Man. I really wanted to get him something that he would enjoy. Using what limited personal knowledge of him that I have, I racked my brain for hours. What to give him!

I know that he likes the movie, "A Christmas Story", so the obvious choice for him would be the popular action figures from said movie.

Or maybe the Monopoly version of the movie...

However, I assume that he already has these items, so I decided to go with something else.

I know that Crotchety has an unexplainable thing for Martha Stewart. I also know for a fact that he even tried stalking her for a while. That didn't really work out since she has a very busy schedule and it was just too exhausting to follow her around everywhere. Here is an article on Crotchety explaining that whole part of his life. Crotchety has been known to go by the alias, "Richard Kowalcyk".

I did some digging around and found a rare pin-up poster of Martha from her early days. I even hunted her down and had her sign it for him. Merry Christmas, Crotchety!!


Tattoos on Babies?!

I'm all for instilling confidence in children, but these parents have gone way too far!

That was my feeble attempt at a caption. Can you come up with a good one? The winner(s) will get a coveted mention on this very blog! Party!!


Sex Shop Winner!

I want to honor those who visit my blog regularly, not just with my quality content, but with a mention here. I'm talking about my top Entrecard droppers.

My number one dropper for a while now has been, The Junk Drawer. She has a contest going on today. If you can guess what the object is in the picture, you could win 500 Entrecard points. Check it out. It's worth a try.

I have three people tied for number two. Over a Cup of Barako, Crotchety Old Man Yells at Cars, and Steven Humour are my second biggest Entrecard fans. They're probably as excited as this guy to get this honor!

UPDATE:Sorry for the misleading title, but I had to get you here somehow, sucka!


It's Back Again

Mondays can sometimes be a little depressing, so I thought I would bring out the old, "Guess who isn't getting any tonight" series. Making fun of others always makes me feel good! Let's dive right in!

I have a couple of winners today. First off, I think this is a girl. She took her knitting skills to a whole new dork level. Granted, she could have made this by mistake while trying to make a normal sweater, but I don't think this is the case here. I think she knitted herself into not getting any for a long, long time. Congratulations, knitter lady!!

Next, we have a woman with one serious cold. It is so bad that she is willing to forgo the whole procreation thing for it. This woman will never have kids because she needs to blow her nose so damn badly! Congrats to her for her courage!

Surprisingly enough, there were no male winners today. It's okay guys, there's still next time.