I know that he likes the movie, "A Christmas Story", so the obvious choice for him would be the popular action figures from said movie.
Or maybe the Monopoly version of the movie...
However, I assume that he already has these items, so I decided to go with something else.
I know that Crotchety has an unexplainable thing for Martha Stewart. I also know for a fact that he even tried stalking her for a while. That didn't really work out since she has a very busy schedule and it was just too exhausting to follow her around everywhere. Here is an article on Crotchety explaining that whole part of his life. Crotchety has been known to go by the alias, "Richard Kowalcyk".
I did some digging around and found a rare pin-up poster of Martha from her early days. I even hunted her down and had her sign it for him. Merry Christmas, Crotchety!!