10/13/2008

Welcome to Dysfunction Junction

Now I know your parents have taught you all to not talk to strangers, but really I am safe. I am only a danger to myself..promise. Kristen warned me that you guys were rowdy, but I haven't even heard a burp out of you! Hello? Hello? Anyone wanna have fun?

So we are turning this place upside down. So feel free to wear your shoes on the couch, and leave the toilet seat up. The only promise I made was to not let anyone puke on the carpet while Kirsten was gone. So, if any of you have a party foul, just please pull the rug over it and spray some febreze on it. I warned her that she may need to hire a maid and a therapist when she got home. Ohh, the extra taxes price you pay for outsourcing!

Some of you may be wondering why Kristen has had to resort to outsourcing? Well it is similar to the banking crisis we are having now. It started out innocent at first. You join Blogspot, and took out a mortgage on your very own blog. You named it, and then you took out a second mortgage to spiff it up with a fancy header and graphics. Your own piece of the worldwideweb dream. A dotcom to call your very own. Then Blogspot wants to make a little money off you as a subscriber..so it hooks up with yahoo, and google. Then to make sure your hubby lets your blog stay float, you join AdSense. Maybe to make a little shopping drinking money, or to just keep your hubby off your back. So you sell a little blog space to AdSense. Next thing you know you are in need of a bail out, and your blog ain't worth the HTML codes it is written on.

So yes, much like the AIG Execs who took a spa vacation after the big bailout, Kristen is off spending your hard earned subscriber money on a vacation. She is enjoying Mai Tai's on the beach, getting massages with a happy ending, and sleeping in. I am here to bail her out and pick up the pieces. Don't be mad at her..she has earned her severance package from all her hard work blogging and making you all laugh.

So, I have settled in here, and only marked my territory by hiking my leg on the refrigerator, and couch. Hey, I have some class..I didn't pee on the bed..that is where I sleep. Geez! So folks, as we prepare for a economic crises..I say we all just relax..and pop a few pills. Take a ride on dysfunction junction with me. You know thay they say during economic hard times, people turn to more drugs and alcohol to cope, so come on! What are you waiting for! Dysfunction Junction how do you function? See just how:


Yep, we need to take the "edge off" while Kristen is gone. Time to jump on the A.D.D. Express. So make sure when you come over tonight, it is BYOB/BYOP. Ohh, the Green ones..I am peaking. Also don't forget to drop me a WWJamieD question?

Signed,
J to the M to the E
My Suburban can run over your Minivan...and will

152 comments:

The Offended Blogger said...

Funny stufffffff. I love it. Feel free to pass the green ones lol.

Signs of Life said...

When I saw "Soccer Mom", I was like "Cha...no way" - glad I clicked anyway :) Kick Ass blog, I'll be back.

Monica
http://mysignsoflife.today.com/

Scrapping Mommy said...

James.. I love it, definitally not your regular 'mommy blog'

ReformingGeek said...

Funny how blogging consumes you. It's almost like a.....JOB but a lot more fun! I enjoyed your post. Thanks for filling in.

Jamie said...

Monica- Thanks, I am having fun filling in for Kristen...satyed tuned.

Amanda- What? What are you doing commenting over here? You get back to my blog RIGHT NOW!! and leave a comment..or I will send Dwight after you!!! Move it!!

Reforminggeek- It can be work, but enjoyable work...I am gald you have been entertained with the voices in my head. Will you miss me with Kristen comes back..?

lilaphase said...

J to the a , etc., - What would you do if you got a call from one of the presidential candidates asking you to join him on the ticket as a vp nominee? Buzzkill?

Jamie said...

lila- ohh i like that one!!

Bill said...

Jamie, someone keyed your suburban.

Not to worry though, my truck's fine.

Kristen better bring me back something expensive, that's all I can say about her holiday.

Jamie said...

Really??? you may want to double check and look in your driveway...I hear a women posing as a repo-man was seen around the neighborhood recently. ☺

BTW- I also own a big truck too!! So you better watch your mud flaps.☺

Bill said...

Mud flaps are for people who don't want to spash the folks coming up behind them. I don't have mud flaps. Get the picture?

LOL

Anna Lefler said...

Har - love it!

You are a hell of a babysitter!

:^) Anna

just a girl... said...

I am in oh and you might being getting a lot of offers coming soon

Jamie said...

Bill- Listen Bill..I will be on your ass so fast you will think you have dingly berries hanging off! Don't worry though..I will be sure to wipe your ass clean with my grill!

Anna- Thanks! You coming over tonight? If so, please bring the purple pills!

Just a girl- I will save you a seat right next to me..just don't mind me drooling..I took to many of the green ones!

October 16, 2008 1:36 PM

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