If Oprah Says It's True, Then it is!

An important part of being a good mom is to make sure you take care of yourself as well as your children.  If you don't take time to pamper yourself every so often on a daily basis, you can't be doing your job as a parent well enough. If Oprah says it's true, so shall it be....

With this in mind, I'm at my daughter's soccer practice today, in the oppressive heat, watching these girls play their little hearts out and sweating up a storm. They take a break and walk towards us and I immediately get the Gatorade out and down that thing in about three seconds flat. (No joke!)

My whiney kid proceeds to complain about, "dehydration", "dizziness", etc. The standard stuff. I explain to her that I'm being a good mom right now and to come back if she experiences any loss of vision. 

Besides, she looked fabulous. She must have lost two pounds of water weight. I could almost see all her ribs! If I had coddled her she would have gotten all bloated and no one worth a damn would be her friend. She's seven years old! It's about time I teach her to be ashamed of her body. I did her a favor.

Now, the practice is over and here come the complaints again!

"I'm thirsty"
"I'm hungry"
"Who's my real dad?"
"My daughter is going into diabetic shock, can we have your orange juice?!"

Me, me, me, me, me!!! Get your own damn orange juice; besides it's not even orange juice it's Sunny D. 

So, after finishing my "SUNNY D" I left the field feeling like I'm living my best life!

Thanks Oprah!!!


Da Old Man said...

You crack me up. Very funny post.

Make sure you toughen that kid up. They only get whinier when they get older, otherwise.

Mine's at the "will you buy me another car, because I broke the last one you bought me" stage.

Bee said...

Ha! This is why I don't have kids. I'm all about me! ;op

Tommy Buettner said...

Our parents might have had it tougher than us, but we were tougher than our kids!!! We didn't even have Sunny D as kids, and our coaches made us drink water from a water hose. Heaven forbid!!! How did we ever survive?

BunnyT said...

Sid will only know of Sunny D from you...our house? Strictly Kool-Aid baby!
Whatever you are all fancy and whatnot...geez...BTW until you see your daughter's clavicle she will never be popular! Tell her to suck it up already! ha ha ha

kittyconcerto.com said...

hahahahaha. Oh My. You crack me up sista!

Diesel said...

You get a smiley for that. Funny stuff. :)

momjeansblogger said...

@da old man-Don't tell me! I don't want to know!

@bee-I'm all about me too!

@tommy-These kids get it soooo easy. We flipped around 15 feet above the concrete on the playground and and liked it!

@BunnyT-You don't even know what he will find out about!


@Diesel-Thanks for that! That's a real compliment coming from you!

Juicebox Mom said...

Hilarious!! will be drinking my daughters Gatorade during practice from now on. After all, I do walk around the field with the other moms catching up on gossip...it's very tiring.

mammadawg.com said...

Girl - lol - that's why I started blogging! ;)

Drop by when you get a chance? I've nominated you for the "Kick Ass Blogger" Club ;)

momjeansblogger said...

@juiceboxmom-If I can touch one woman's life and make it better, then I have done my job!

@mamadawg-Thanks! You just made my day!

Ron Knox said...

For Christ's sake that's funny, because I hate kids too and think heatstroke is hysterical, because, what the hell, just go inside.

momjeansblogger said...

@ron-LOL! Just go inside!

Drowsey Monkey said...

LOL ... omg ...

This is why I'm childless.