8/05/2008

What the Hell Kind of Name is Rulon Anyway?

Since I know that all of you look up to me, I will share with you today the book I am currently reading. It is called, "Under the Banner of Heaven" by Jon Krakauer. I love non-fiction and he has written a couple of other books that I really enjoyed. It is about those nutty fundamentalist mormons (FLDS); not to be confused with the traditional Mormon religion. These are the ones that the women have the Elvis hairdos and the Little House on the Prairie dresses. Here are some, "sister wives":



The book gives an interesting history of the Mormon faith of which I knew little before. It then describes how these fundamentalists broke off from the traditional church and created their own communities, so they could practice plural marriage and a bunch of other bullshit crap. (was that out loud?)

Their current "prophet" is named Warren Jeffs and doesn't he look good in blue? He's in jail for child rape. Great prophet ya got there. 
His father, Rulon Jeffs, was the prophet before. Here he is with two of his nineteen wives. He also fathered sixty children. 
Those girls are children! It's disgusting! I know what you're thinking, "How could he make those girls wear those awful outfits?!" 

I'm not down with these fundamentalists, but they're not ALL bad. There are a few things that I can turn a blind eye to like:

1. The whole multiple wives thing. (I would be the fave sister wife and could boss the other girls around-Not bad!)

2. Children being forced to marry some old man, usually an uncle or something like that. 

3. These girls have to procreate over and over and over again.

4. "Total submission" to all men, no matter what. 

5. Having sexual relations with someone of the "African Race" is punishable by death. Number four is punishable by death too, by the way.

6."The Lost Boys"-I don't feel like explaining it now for those of you who don't know who they are. Just trust me, it's a bad thing.
Those things aren't bad, but the clothing and hair are unacceptable! Mrs. Ingalls dresses and '80's Aquanet hair cannot continue! They can only wear pastels and not many of us can get away with pastels without getting washed out. They also can't wear make-up. Something must be done.

I'm also willing to bet than none of those women have a decent bikini wax. It's absolutely disgusting!

23 comments:

Bekah said...

I'm pretty sure a bikini wax is also punishable by death..isnt that somewhere in the bible? like commandment 11 or something?

seriously though, why do they go along with this!?!

TheFLy said...

Arent you wearing a pastel blue in your header pic? haha.

Ive dated some regular mormon chicks and they are crazy nymphomaniacs. Its pretty awesome but this just takes the cake, the pastel colored cake.

buzz buzz

Tommy Buettner said...

I hear ya on the bikini line, sista!!

No munchin th carpet for this boy, I only lick linoleum.

momjeansblogger said...

@bekah-You're right! I'm sure there is a death penalty for that.

@thefly-You've dated some mormons? I've always wondered what their special undergarments look like!Pastels?

@Tommy-I kinda figured that about you!

Danity Donnaly said...

ewww, THAT is just weird. Bunch of freaks! Those poor women. It's too bad that this is ALL they know. I'd rather be katie holmes than live in prison as it seems these women do...ok wait a minute...

maybe i wouldn't want to be Katie, but that's a whole 'nother post!

momjeansblogger said...

@danity-You bring up a good point! Which is worse??

TheFLy said...

Well, mommaJay, their undergarments are a well kept secret because to this day I still dont know, the mormon chicks I dated usually never wore panties. Go figure.

Original GRITS said...

You go girl! I am so with you...multiple wives is almost acceptable but those damn gunny sack/Nellie Olson frock-dresses are an abomination!!! Oh hell no...this Momma ain't doin' that crap! LOL

Dirty Laundry Diva said...

NewscasterHottie went out to Colorado city to cover some FLDS news a few weeks back. The whole forcing kids into incest marriage is fucking disgusting and wrong.

momjeansblogger said...

@original grits-props to that!

@dirty diva-No kidding! I'm sure it's even worse than we think!

Bee said...

Do you know what disturbs me? That they all look like men.

Chat Blanc (aka Sandy) said...

I don't know, Rulon just seems like your run of the mill old, pervert, polygamist prophet type. Those guys are like what? A dime a dozen?

PS the women are all walking fashion crimes for sure!

Nanny Goats In Panties said...

I can't think about this stuff for too long, lest I throw up.

Amen to the Aquanet statement though. Clearly, straying from the Elvis-do is punishable by death.

saffron said...

Funny stuff! and sadly oh so true!

Ms. K said...

I live in the land of Mormons. I could tell you stories about the non-FLDS folks.

Stephanie M said...

I grew up in UT in the town next to these folks and it is everything you wrote about and worse. I love your blog!

kittyconcerto.com said...

I just read some fascinating books on FLDS former wives. I'm blanking on the name right now.... but I'll let you know so you can read them too if you want.

Jaime said...

Are you really okay with younger girls marrying senior men or was that a joke? I cant tell. This is a horrible practice and a serious problem...

momjeansblogger said...

@jaime-this is a humor blog full of sarcasm. I do not think it's okay!

zyriana said...

... I can't seem to stop laughing, must be something in the air - Aquanet perhaps? ...

"Mrs. Ingalls dresses and '80's Aquanet hair cannot continue!"

Oh no, no no... you've given me the best chuckle today! Rather, splitting my sides laughing.

Thanks for your candid thoughts... and I will CERTAINLY be back for more.

Monica

momjeansblogger said...

@ monica- thanks!

Jaime said...

Oh Thank God. I love this blog because I do love your sense of humor buit couldnt tell on that particlular post whether you were kidding or not! Phew! This blog is hilarious.

www.tapicerias.nom.es said...

This won't actually have success, I think so.