7/29/2009
Watermelons and Firearms...hmmm...
Let's see if anyone can come up with a caption to this one. I'm stumped!
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- Watermelons and Firearms...hmmm...
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27 comments:
Hand over the money ... or ... I'll get my ugly all over you.
Watermelon: $2.99
Gun: $800.00
Fitting both in your vagina: Priceless
Sonja had a great time at the Fullerton Country Fair.
She won first prize at the beauty contest, scoring her choice from the fresh fruit stand.
She also won second prize - since there were no other entries - which was the privilege of putting Richard Simmons out of his misery.
Although walking home with the watermelon she chose as the first-place prize made her feel good on the inside, the fact that she had her fingerprints all over a lethal weapon left her a bit distressed, which manifested itself in her nasty, first-place-winning mug.
"Hi! My name's Jeannie and I'm from the Welcome Wago... oh wait, you're foreigners? I'm glad I came prepared."
Prenatal courses for young mothers in Ireland have come a long way since the 80's.
This is my melon,
This is my gun.
This one's for eatin',
This one's for scorin' me a honey bun.
My cheating bastard of a husband wears a bullet proof vest, so I need to practice my head shots.
mi mi mi mi...ahem...1,2,3...Janie's got a gun...and a watermelon
Doreen felt oh so pretty in her House of Chanel knock-off: a Wal-Mart floral print with bare arms and a melon handbag.
"Hey Hon, I'm goin' out back to practice."
Susie got the last melon in the store...and meant to keep it.
Gunny thought he was tough until he killed one to many of my watermelons. Semper fi.
"You put the gun in the melon then it mixes all together!"
Tasty!
If one more person asks me if I'm pregnant?! It is a watermelon you idiot!
"Ganngsta Mamma wannabee?"
Laura Ashley continued to design frilly dresses well into the new millenium, but her paranoid obsession with fruit and handguns destroyed her image with consumers everywhere except the Deep South.
Dirty Harriet: I know what you're thinking, punk. You're thinking "did she fire six shots or only five?" Now to tell you the truth, I forgot myself in all this excitement. But being this is a .44Magnum, the most powerful handgun in the world and will blow your head clean off, you've gotta ask yourself a question: "Do I want to try to get lucky by laying my hands on her melons?" Well, do ya, punk?
Come get some, Gallagher.
Go ahead. Say "Nice melons" to me one more time.
I'm moving "Does this melon make me look fat?" to the top of my list of "Questions Where You Answer No."
Why is it, every Fourth of July, I never get a slice of watermelon? Oh, wait, yeah. Now I remember.
Say something about my melons now. Go on, make my day!
Barb heeded her friends' advice and donned a dress. The catcalls of 'Hey Watermelon Man' immediately stopped. On reflection the Stoeger Cougar double-action, auto-loading pistol may have had something to do with it...
My gun is black,
My melon is green,
Cheat on me again,
And you'll lose your spleen.
"An ex-wife of mine," said Picard,
"Tried deep-frying melons in lard."
"But the temp was too high,"
"The pot flew into the sky,"
"And left bit of her all over my yard."
Melons, Mothers, and Magnums!
GOD BLESS AMERICA!
When life gives you lemons, you make lemonade. But when life gives you watermelons.....you shot the crap out of them!
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