10/17/2008

The Best of The Soccer Mom Files

I'm away right now, so I thought I would take this time to run some old posts that might give some of you new people an idea of what I'm like. I actually stole this idea from Renal Failure. Anyway, here goes. This one is called:

If it's Good Enough for Winona Ryder...

I can't believe that summer is almost over already! This means that it's time for that yearly ritual of buying school supplies. As a kid, I remember having so much fun getting brand new stuff for a new year full of all kinds of possibilities. Now, I know that's a load! Booooring!! I guess it's because I'm not shopping for myself. If it's not for me, then who cares really?


Besides, school supplies cost money. I can't be going around buying pencils and shit when there are manicures and facials to be had. It takes a lot of money and time to look as good as I do. As you can tell by my picture, my skin is flawless, almost cartoon-like.


I figured out a solution to this little quandary of mine. Shoplifting!




Luckily those baggy bubble tops and dresses are in style right now. So, my daughter and I got our stylish bubble tops on and we looked fab! I made my son wear a bubble dress too, even though he wasn't really down with that idea. But, he's just five years old and he won't remember this when he grows up anyway. Besides, I don't think he has any gender issues, so he'll be okay in the long run. Does he think school supplies just grow on trees?


Between the three of us, we should have been able to get enough stuff to last until college, or beauty school, or wherever.


We got into our local Wal-Mart and began our task at hand. My kids are rookies at this, so they might blow it for me. Don't ask me how I know this...



I don't feel like talking about it. BUT, I did learn a valuable lesson from this:
NEVER make your son wear a dress.

23 comments:

sinisterdan said...

That sandwich board is very fetching.

Dark Angel said...

Saw you are a fellow boxer.. if you were a sport.

Stealing at walmart should be on Oprah's 100 things to do before you die list

feefifoto said...

Hey, I fed your fish. Cool!

Tiggy said...

Seeing as you've just promoted Wal-Mart's back to school supplies on your blog, I think they should GIVE you free Wal-Mart back to school supplies for advertising their products!

If I'd not read this blog I'd never know I could get a great deal at Wal-Mart for back to school supplies.

(y'see how this could work here?) :)

Athena said...

Little tip for next year: Target doesn't have as many cameras than Wal-mart does. Don't ask me how I know this...like you, I don't wanna talk about it ;)

Alice said...

Shit. You gave up great advice and here I am with school supplies already purchased. BUT..I could always return them and then go back and steal them later. Hmm...

Da Old Man said...

Amateurs, all of youse. Office Depot only has cameras and workers in the computer department. Help yourself to everything else.

Drowsey Monkey said...

lol ... that sandwich board wouldn't bother me and if it saves ya a few bucks, why not.

Craft Junkie said...

Being an avid Wally World shoplifter...errr, I mean shopper, I could have told you to head for the bike area of sporting goods...the cameras have a hard time getting a visual on you. Don't ask how I know, just trust me. *smile*

momjeansblogger said...

@everyone-Now you tell me all the tips and tricks! Where were you guys when I needed you!?

Chat Blanc (aka Sandy) said...

just so all youse moms know, I don't have kids and I have waaaay too much time on my hands therefore I can be bought with chocolate to help with your school supplies five finger discounts. it's this or I'm gonna have to list myself on craigslist, and that's just not right.

Bee said...

I once stole some chocolate from Safeway and got caught. I got the spanking of a lifetime.

That just made me realize I like to be spanked... ;o)

Kirsten said...

@ sandy-I'm working on the chocolate! I could use some help!

@bee- you see!? Shoplifting can be a good thing!

MammaDawg said...

LOL - I think next year we're gonna hit Office Depot's with da old man ;)

Kirsten said...

I heard dat, Mamadawg!

TheFLy said...

Ah school supplies. I remember the good ol' days of writing my homework on used paper bags we got at a grocery stores and using maple syrup from the tree in the backyard for glue and coloring with kool-aid sticks.

Kirsten said...

@thefly-i know! Kids these days are so spoiled!

Harris said...

hey kirsten,

this blog is an anomoly: a suburban mommy blog that's actually funny.

rcok on,

aitch

FlowerGirl said...

Better yet... Next time, go to some po-dunk store. I started lifting Matilda Bay when I was 14. If you can get a 4 pack of wine coolers out, you could get a hell of a lot of school supplies out the door. This is a great idea. That's what I'm doing next year. Freakin supplies - I quit buying at $75...

Tommy Buettner said...

Oh, did you bring back memories. I remember 20 years aog when me and my childhood buddy would ride up to the 7-11 on our bikes, wearing the old school baggy sweatpants, and shoving 10 to 15 packs of smokes down them when the cashier wasn't looking. then we were stupid enough to stand around for another half hour and play videos games.

AoE said...

I get so sick of wearing that damn sandwich board ...

madmom said...

I too am a career walmart lifter, I got caught last night with a camera. sucks. I can buy all this shit so why do I take it. I'm going crazy I'd like to stop. I've been doing this for so long. Any suggestions?

warren said...

yup, you're right...! anyway, I love wynona...!!!