A Funny Thing Happened on the way to Practice
This whole soccer mom thing is very clique-y. I hate clique-y! Didn't we get over that in high school...okay college? Anyway, there's ALWAYS the alpha mom who's way too friggin' into her 7 year old's soccer career. Since I feel that this should be fun and not the most important thing in the world, she kinda makes me feel like a jackass for it. Whatever, at least I have a life. To top it off, she always has her hangers-on who kiss her ass like she's some kind of dope ass baller like me.
Needless to say, I'm not friends with these women. It's obvious they're jealous of my fabulosity. I'm better than they are and I scare them.
Fast forward to today...
I got all set up on the field with my Costco folding chair (you know, the colorful striped one) and water for myself of course. Well, guess who busts out her brand new pimp cup for my "water"? It's the Reverend Doctor Kirsten Valentine of course! (my "water" is really vodka-you don't expect a pimp to drink water out of her pimp cup!)
I looked so much doper than the rest of those mom jeans wearing dorks!
I OWN that elementary school field every other tuesday from 4 to 5:30pm, weather permitting. They were so jealous that they all moved their chairs away from me and wouldn't even make eye contact. They're so envious of me that they don't even let their kids play with my daughter, Devin.
I showed them!!! I brought out Devin's cute little "shorty" pimp cup too! She was so excited about it that she started to cry. As a parent, there is no greater reward than when you drive them to tears of joy!
I hate to break it to you, loyal readers, but you will have to wait until tomorrow to find out what happened next. I'm kind of going over everything with my lawyer tonight about just what I can and can't write about due to the impending lawsuit.
Oh yeah, and here's a video about the whole mom jeans thing. Click here, NOW!