5/01/2009

Mind of Spaz Takes Over!

Hi folks, spaz here. Ettarose forced me into participating into the HBDC roast, and so I’m roasting this here soccer mom files.

I’m not quite sure what a roast was, so I asked Etta for a definition. She told me I was 19 and had never kissed a girl.

WTF?

How is that an answer? This also confused me because I’m 31 and kissing is so 13.

Unless you do it with your penis.

Awesome.

Moving on.

Since I don’t have any kids of my own, I’m kind of at a loss for exactly what a soccer mom is. I decided to google it, but then I thought to myself that using google IMAGE search would be better. You know, since a picture is worth a thousand words and I really don’t have time to read a thousand words.

This is what I came up with.



Now I’m confused. You see, Kirsten has on her title header “Soccer mom files. If you’re a perfect mom with a perfect family with size 2 couture warm ups in every color than this blog is definitely not for you.”

I have several questions.

First of all, that picture of a soccer mom does indeed indicate that she is the perfect mom, in a Stepford wife sort of way. Yet your title indicates that soccer moms aren’t like that?

I mean, that picture doesn’t even show a size two. That’s more like a size negative two.

And she’s holding a soccer ball and SMILING. I’ve NEVER seen parents at their kids sporting events smile.

Only yell. And heckle. And fight. And get drunk. And puke on the refs shoes.

So who’s right Kirsten? Huh? You or google? Who am I supposed to believe? A blogger or a giant multinational corporation?

I thought so.

And what exactly is a couture warm up anyways?



Yea, one of the greatest MMA fighters of all time has LOTS to do with motherhood and the game of soccer.

Are you even paying attention, Kirsten?

And finally, Kirsten, what sort of mom let’s their kids look at pictures like this?



THIS is the sort of filth that mothers expose their kids too? I bet that’s you hanging onto that steroid induced homosexual pink mickey mouse fag.

And I bet it was one of your kids taking the picture.

Have you seen the FILTH on a MOMMY BLOGGERS blog?

Seriously Kirsten, you make me proud.

Keep up the good work, eh?

-Spaz out.


102 comments:

ReformingGeek said...

Nice job, Spaz! I found a different Kirsten when I roasted her on my blog last Thursday.

Lady Sarcasm said...

LOL! Nice job Spazman!

Quirkyloon said...

Great job Spazzers!

And I am anxiously awaiting Kirsten's replies.

Waiting...

Still waiting...

heh heh

Me-Me King said...

Well, Kirsten - you've officially been pimped...oh, wrong show...I mean, roasted.

Spaz - you rock!!!

Coffee with Cathy said...

As a former soccer mom, I can tell you that we never threw up on the ref's shoes. My co-soccer moms and I, who carefully hid our booze in our coffee cups ("Yes, that amaretto flavoring sure is strong, isn't it?"), always believed that if you couldn't hold your liquor you had no business trying to navigate the rickety soccer stands and thus should stay home, leaving the rest of us to uphold the proud standards of Soccer Moms everywhere.

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