"As soon as we get back to our rooms from the first elimination, Katherine H. starts giving me sh*& about my extra finger again. Bitch can kiss my ass! I'm not embarrassed about my extra digit at all! As a matter of fact, I started a group called Polydactyly United. We call it PU for short. We educate ignorant bitches like Katherine H. about our non embarrassing condition. I don't know what I would do without PU in my life.
Anyway, if that skank gets in my dish about my allegedly large moles or possible goiter, I'm taking my specially made gloves off and kicking her skinny little ass!"
"Anne and I got into it as soon as we got back to our rooms. Everyone started ganging up on me for being a dick to Anne because she's a freak. Whatever! I'm not here to make friends. I'm here for love. I'm here for all the right reasons. Not like Jane. She's just here to get her acting career going. That whole rodeo clown thing is just a stepping stone to a reality tv career. I know she wants a "Bachelorette" spin off from this show. She doesn't care about Henry. She's here for all the wrong reasons."
"...hahahahahahahahahahahaha........what?..........Hey! Are those Cheetos?"
"The next morning we are all at breakfast when a scroll arrives. It's addressed to Anne B., Jane, Katherine P. and me. We get the first group date! I'm so excited to spend some time with Henry, but I'm kinda bummed that Katherine H. gets the solo date. That definitely gives her an advantage, especially since she's such a slut."
"I can't believe I get the first one on one date! Please let my cold sore clear up before then!!"
Just as the girls finish getting ready for their date, a carriage arrives to whisk them off to the secret destination...