It was the first soccer practice since before Christmas. I was already in a bad mood because I hate to hang around with those soccer moms. Go figure! So, I obviously had to fill my pimp cup up to the brim with a little medicinal vodka this day. Most of the ladies know to back the hell off when they see my pimp cup make an appearance.
This woman, let's call her "Dumbass" (not her real name), decides to come over and talk to me. Bitch has the balls to make fun of me for walking funny. (Between you and me, I HAVE been walking funny lately. You would too if you had a Jesus ashtray involuntarily shoved up your rectum.) For a brief explanation on how this happened, click here.
Of course I wasn't about to let her know what happened to me, so I kicked her in the shin and ran off. When I say "ran" I mean hobbled really fast. Anyway, the long and short of it is that she filed charges against me for assault. Not a great way to start off the week!