3/04/2009

Emergency!

Do you ever get sick or have some crazy symptom and try to diagnose yourself online? Times are tough financially these days and medical visits are expensive. Who needs a doctor when we have the internet? My hypochondria (self diagnosed) really thrives in this environment. Besides, my dad is a doctor and my mom is a nurse, so this alone qualifies me to dispense medical advice freely.

That said, I had a mysterious bump behind my ear. I didn't think much of it until I realized it wasn't going away. Thanks to Wikipedia and WebMD (I got two opinions) I discovered that I had terminal melanoma!

Obviously I can't drive with a melanoma and my husband has to stay by the bathroom as he has a slight case of Cholera, so I have no way to get to the emergency room! I have no choice but to call 911 and wait for the ambulance.



UPDATE:It turns out that I should have gotten a third opinion. The city of Huntington Beach now has a suit against me for calling 911 for a zit.

17 comments:

rubbish said...

Hope the hospital isn't too far away. Wouldn't fancy your chances if you were ever involved in a multiple yak pile up.

HumorSmith said...

Look on the bright side. At least it's in an unobtrusive place.

Kirsten said...

@rubbish-Don't even start with me about the yak pile ups! They can get pretty bad. ; )

@humorsmith-You are so right!!Thanks!

Mary Moore said...

Whew! I thought maybe it was an ingrown hair. Then you're talkin' trouble!

Quirkyloon said...

If you need me to hold the mirror so you can pop that sucker? Just lemme know. I'd be happy too.

What is it that is so satisfying about popping a big white headed zit?

Oh come on...I know you do it too! lol

ReformingGeek said...

Ouch! Splat! Ouch!

Ah, the Interwebs, a whole world of misinformation.

Queen-Size funny bone said...

when in doubt squeeze it out.

Miss Grace said...

I'm sure they've been called for worse.

I'd have diagnosed a cebacious cyst myself :)

David said...

Glad to hear your husband's cholera is only a mild case and nothing serious.

Jen said...

I'm also the daughter of a doctor and I self diagnose as well. I also use WebMD and so far this year I have had cancer three times. My kids who I diagnosed to be well enough to go to school have actually had influenza and pneumonia. I don't go to the doctor either. What the point? I can figure it out all by my self and I am a lot cheaper.

The Self-Deprechaun said...

In college, if you went to the health center with a cough, they always diagnosed you with an STD or pregnancy even for dudes.

I think that has made me a hypochondriac b/c i think i have chlamydia and herpes all the time.

I do and i'm due to give birth in september.

The Stabbing Pen said...

Forget Webmd, type in what you think you might have and search "Google images." It's way more fun to visually compare what you have to what grew on some complete stranger--- especially if it's a pilonidal cyst. MINE WASN'T THAT BAD.

Margo said...

My melanomas are always right in the middle of my forehead! I've had many hemotohorrific paper cuts as well. Life is so rough! What did we do before the internet?

Granny Annie said...

It all sounds perfectly logical to me. Do you also smell burning chicken feathers?

PaulsHealthBlog.com said...

Better safe than sorry!

And how in the world did we ever manage to survive before the Internets?

Paul

Eat Well. Live Well.
PurpleGreenPops.com

Maureen said...

Ahahahaha! Terminal Zit.

Cascia said...

That is great! I love your blog. You have a terrific sense of humor. I'm looking forward to reading more!