Lucifer in my Backyard

One of the blogs that I like to read is by a Crotchety Old Man who apparently has a turtle problem. I read about his Mephistophelian ordeal on his latest post. I'm very glad that he is bringing to light a problem that people seem to just sweep under the rug and hope it goes away. Well, I'm here to tell you that it's here to stay and we need a wake up call!! I'm upset that Crotchety hasn't taken a stand! He frankly made light of the subject. He let the reptile stay in the back yard and conjure up it's evil unchecked.

I went into my backyard and saw Beelzebub himself. If it can happen to Crotchety and me, it can happen to anyone! I am going to put a link here to what I saw, but there are children and old people haphazardly wandering the information super-highway, so only click to see if you are up to it. If you have a heart condition or are pregnant, please don't go any further. Here it is!What am I to do!

What a day!

My little boy is sick this afternoon and, long story short, I am sitting with him watching Spongebob Squarepants. It has been a couple of hours. I might be going crazy, but it's growing on me. (I was going to call this post, "Notes on Spongebob", but then I knew that none of you would read on, so I went with the enticing, "What a day".)


Reasons why Spongebob is funny:

1. He has a pet snail named Gary

2. He is a sea sponge, (as in the invertebrate sea sponge that you can pet at the aquarium if you promise not to be a spazz - or is that just me?) yet he looks like a yellow kitchen sponge.

3. If he looses an arm or something it grows right back just like a regular sea sponge. That comes in handy for the Halloween episode, but whatevs. I won't ruin it for you.

4. He gets drunk off ice cream...

5. He looks hilarious in his underwear and he wears speedos. (I don't have any European readers, so no offense taken, right?)

6. He sings, "Chocolate Rain"

&*&*(^&*&$@$ y'all!

I got tagged for the first time!

Being new to blogging, I'm really not sure what just happened. It seems that I got tagged. Dette from one of my fave blogs called the Muthahood Crib tagged me. Here goes:

1. Where is your cell phone? Right here

2. Your significant other? MD
3. Your hair? In need of a highlight
4. Your mother? Kathie
5. Your father? Paul
6. Your favorite thing? Family
7. Your dream last night? Can't remember
8 Your favorite drink? Dirty Martini
9. Your dream/goal? To make a difference
10. The room you’re in? Bedroom
11. Your hobby? Making jewelry
12. Your fear? Something happening to one of my kids
13. Where do you want to be in 6 years? Still happily married
14. What you’re not? A Bruin
15. Muffins? Chocolate
16. One of your wish list items? A vacation
17. Where you grew up? Carmel
18. The last thing you did? Make dinner
19. What are you wearing? Sweats
20. Favorite Gadget? Laptop
21. Your pets? In heaven
22. Your computer? Mac
23. Your mood? Tired
24. Missing someone? My best friend
25. Your car? In need of an oil change and a good clean
26. Something you’re not wearing? A smile
27. Favorite store? Tiffany and Co.

28. Like someone? My man
29. Your favorite color? Navy blue
30. When is the last time you laughed? Today
31. Last time you cried? Last night

Now, the four lucky recipients of my tag are some other great blogs:

I Say Hella, Tales of a Neurotic 30 Something, The Chronicles of the Perpetual Single Woman, and Spice World

The Kommisar's in Town

Let me start this off by saying that I LOVE the 80's! I read a blog called, "Diggin' the 80's" to get my fix. I put it on my "fave list" to the right, so go check it out.

Anyway, that's where I saw this video and it really took me back for a couple of reasons. The best is Falco's dancing. I guess in the eighties I was breathing in too much AquaNet and didn't realize that he was such a sucky dancer. In this video, I KNOW the director knew this and told him to pretend to be running so the viewer wouldn't focus so much on his dance stylings.

Not to put Falco down, because I am a sucky dancer myself. (I didn't go into the music business tho) However, after after a few drinks, I think I'm Michael Jackson. (in the dancing sense) I have a feeling Falco is like me, and his friends did a joke on him and got him drunk and the following video is the tragic consequence. Watch him dance and that's me at all the weddings I've been to.

UPDATE: I was so entranced by Falco's dancing that I didn't realize this song was in German until it was halfway over. : )

AND ANOTHER THING: I love how self satisfied he is when her puts his collar up. I hope his friends give him s**t for that!

Hot Pocket!

Okay, I don't have much to say today, so I thought I would share a little of my current favorite comedian, Jim Gaffigan. He is kinda famous for his, "Hot Pocket" stuff. I personally think it's not his best, but funny none the less.
This, along with a lot of things, is best enjoyed with a martini, a beer, a glass of wine or something along those lines. Enjoy!!

Immaturity and Parenting

Even though I am a mom and have been for seven years, I sometimes can't believe it. It's amazing to me that anyone would let my husband and me have kids. What do we know? I kept thinking that the nurses at the hospital were going to discover that I was a fraud and take my kids from me, but they didn't, luckily! 

Anyway, I suppose I thought of soccer moms as having been soccer moms for their whole lives. Just like how you see your parents. (They also never had sex and when they did it was only a couple of times in order to have kids and they didn't enjoy it at all whatsoever) I'm still sure that I'm a test tube baby, so I don't have to worry about my parents doing gross things like the rest of you sad sacks do. 

Not that I really think I'm a bad parent. I am a good parent and so is my husband, I just wonder if anyone else stops and thinks it's crazy that you're in charge of these little human beings. I sometimes feel as immature as they are. I'll still laugh at a fart joke. Fart jokes are considered sophisticated humor in kindergarten. Kids who enjoy a good fart joke also sit around watching early Woody Allen movies and watch BBC comedies like, "The Office" because Sesame Street is so pedestrian. 

I have matured some since I have become a mom. Fart jokes aside, I have stopped being crazy and doing all kinds of dumb/dangerous stuff. After all, there is a time and place for everything and that's called college. 

Tae Kwon Do

My daughter and I do Tae Kwon Do together. We WILL become black belts, but for now we have to settle for orange belts. That color does nothing for me. I would like to summarize my feelings with another haiku:

Really want to be black belt

Have to work for it

Desolation (Hi!)

Sometimes you have to force a haiku to be a haiku.

HANDS ON A HARD BODY

Did I get your attention? I have to let you all know about the best documentary ever. It's called, "Hands on a Hard Body". It isn't what it sounds like, tho. It follows some contestants somewhere in Texas who compete to win a new truck. All they have to do is keep their hands on the truck for the longest amount of time.
The clip here will give you a taste of the group of people involved. Sounds kind of boring now that I say it. It's not, it's hilarious! Here is a clip to whet your appetite.

UPDATE:
This used to be my favorite clip, until my life took a tragic turn and I found out this guy is my real dad. : (

(neither here nor there tho)

Happy Father's Day!!

Happy Father's Day to all you great dads out there!

Check out The Jolly Green Dad's blog

Also check out Dorky Dad's blog

WOW! I'm pretty good!

I sometimes read the following blog: http://ringtailsquealer.blogspot.com

She is very funny and gives out an award that I will post underneath. Now, I know my mom looks at my blog and my friends say the do, but I know they just skim for their names and don't really read. At least that's probably what I would do. So, the jokes on them! It's just between you, my reader(s) and me. Please know that I in no way was awarded this award, but if everything goes right, my mom and friends will think I did and no one gets hurt. Shhhh...

Please go to the link above to see who really won...

Let's Hear it for Haikus!

My daughter came home with a school project that was about haikus. That got me to thinking. So, in honor of Devin, here goes an original haiku about my day...

Stressful day with kids
Going to mom-in-law's now
Beer, whine, alcohol

Not sure how to use punctuation or if things should be capitalized or not. I'm really a haiku beginner believe it or not. ; )
If any of you have a good one to share about your day, I would love to hear it!

Did I Overreact???

Okay....Where to start?

Just a little frustrated with my behavior at my daughter's soccer practice today.

Let me preface this with the fact that ever since I had my two kids, I lost my brain. I'm convinced a little came out with my placenta each time. Sorry for the visual, but if it makes you feel better, I make a damn good looking placenta if you ask me!
Neither here nor there! Focusing...

What I'm trying to say is that I can't remember anything anymore. Let's just say that I spend a large part of my day looking for keys.

Anyway, I go to soccer practice proud of the fact that my daughter (her name is Devin-thanks for asking) has clean socks and that I remembered to pick her friend up on the way. The girls get going, and I break out my Costco folding chair and proceed to find a location to camp out.

The "team mom" comes over and asks me for the check and order form for Devin's warm-ups and some other stuff. Of course I have to act like I knew this was due and scribble out a check. She also wants to know if Dev will be able to make it to some tournament in July. July?? Like I know what I'm doing in July. I lied to her and told her" yeah". Another mom wanted to know if she was going to make it to summer camp in August. August? What a joke. When another mom came up, I couldn't take it anymore. I couldn't keep my lies straight, I wanted to be congratulated for putting clean socks on my kid, etc. I had so many emotions going on and I just wanted it to stop, so I did the obvious. As the rest of you would have, I threw myself to the ground and yelled, "INCOMING!!". I know I handled it right since no one bothered me the rest of the time.

Okay, of course I didn't do that. Who would throw themselves to the ground? I tucked and rolled as to not hurt myself...

Mom Jeans (and my fear of said item)

You know what I'm talking about. Those jeans that I'm sure your mom wore and (admit it), you almost bought that time! Anyway, I found the perfect definition at urbandictionary.com

The following is for all you ladies who don't know what I'm talking about and the rest of us who like a good laugh...

MOM JEANS-Often seen on the 40+ crowd, mom jeans are too high, too tight, tapered leg jeans which manage to showcase any bodily flaw the wearer has. Possible outcomes: The butt will be compressed so it doesn't stick out, it will instead be pushed to the sides, making it look far wider than it actually is. The genital triangle will be emphasized and outlined (see camel toe or FUPA). The hips will look wider because of the butt compression and the tapering of the legs.

In addition, mom jeans are often light in color, which further emphasizes the outcomes mentioned above. They also come in the elastic-waist variety which further defines the genital triangle.

UPDATE!

I found this example. I hope you find it useful! If you have any to share, please send! It NEVER gets old for me.

Food Allergy Awareness

Get ready for my first foray into making videos. Please be kind!

I wanted to make an awareness video about an issue that is very close to my heart. My four year old son has a severe peanut allergy that makes every day a trial. People don't understand how dangerous it is and how easy it is for a person to get a life threatening reaction. I carry a shot of Epinephrine wherever we go.

Enough about that for now. Please check out my vid!

Speaking of gift ideas...

There are a lot of "Top 100" sites on the web, but this one is one of the best! Just a great resource if you ask me. Go to http://giftguide.gotop100.com and check it out. 

The Girl Indie Birthday Bash

One of my favorite fellow mom blogs is the Girl-Indie blog. She always has great ideas and a lot of fun giveaways. This week is her special, "Birthday Bash"!

Daisy Chain Couture Coupon!

Daisy Chain Couture is kind enough to give my readers a coupon for free shipping on your entire order! (Just use coupon code: MOMJEANS)

By the way, they have great necklaces for grown ups too! I got the Mallory necklace and get comments ALL the time!

Daisy Chain Couture

Having a seven year old little girl, it seems that I'm looking for a new birthday present at least once a month. I can't wait to share with you the greatest site. It's called Daisy Chain Couture and they specialize in jewelry for little girls. (Although they have recently expanded to more trendy stuff for moms- I'll get to that at a later time. 

I got the cutest bracelet for one of my daughter's friends. Daisy Chain Couture customized it to be in her birthstone color. She loved it! 

The pic is above. 

For more info, go to http://www.daisychaincouture.com

One of the reason I began this blog was to get new and helpful ideas to share. If you know of a great product for moms and kids, please let me know and I will share it with everyone! If you have a website and want me to review a product, this is the place for you. Just email me any time!