It's Time to Win Something Great!

Caption this if you want a really cool award and 1000 ec credits...

A Whole Year!?!?

I just realized that while I was on vacation my blog turned one! I would like to apologize to my blog for ignoring this important event. A lot of people do a special birthday post for such an occasion, but I find myself at a loss as to what to say apart from, "Happy Birthday, blog of mine".

If I can't say it with words, I'll have to say it with a picture! Who wouldn't want this for their birthday?!?!

On second thought, don't answer that....

Did You Win?

There were so great captions this week as usual. Let's get going with some honorable mentions.

Of course we have Philip Dyer, the idiot savant of funny captions, with...

You think this is bad? You should see HIS kids!

Then we have Blonde Godess with...

Jimmy never believed his parents when they told him smoking and drinking would stunt his growth...

Da Old Man with...

I'd like to call this meeting of future rednecks of America to order.

Nipsy with the totally gross, but totally hilarious...

This is why you should have swallowed that load.

The always humorous Kerrie with...

"KYLE! How many times do I have to tell you? Miller High Life is for chumps. Natural Light is the Champagne of the Eastern Shore dude!" (Local inside joke)

This week we have a first over here at the crappily named Soccer Mom Files. One of the honorable mentions ALSO won the Mom Likes Me Best Award! I'm proud to say that it goes to one of the best bloggers there is, The Crotchety Old Man! He wins with...

If you see my parents, Deb and Steve, ask them to fire up the lawnmower. We need to go for a beer run to the WalMart.

Allow me to explain. Chances are you don't get this one, but Crotchety is a regular reader of mine and referenced this post. Now go check it out and come back and you will get the caption. Now do it! Mom said, you little ungrateful brat!

I Would Love You Reading My Post!

I was sitting here trying to think of a good post when the following fell into my lap.

I got an email from someone who wants to exchange links, apparently. I LOVE getting these messed up messages!

Checked out your site and it is awesome!.. i add you .. it will be very appreciable if you visit my blog and post ur expensive comments.

He can't afford one of my expensive comments! Who does he think he is?

Have you gotten any good ones?

Caption This Wednesday!

It's that time again! If you want the glory of the "Mom Likes Me Best Award" and 1000 ec credits, knock yourself out!

How to be a Good Tourist

It's so nice to be back home after my two weeks on vacation. I spent the bulk of my time in Spain and I really learned a lot about being a good tourist. As most people don't know, Americans have a bad reputation as obnoxious tourists. I decided to do my part and follow these dos and don'ts:

1. DO speak in a LOUD, clear voice. No mumbling!

2. DO try to work in all conversations how things are much better in the US.

3. DO assume that everyone speaks English at all times.

4. DON'T try to speak in their own language as that just encourages them and you won't understand anything at all.

These are only a few of my rules, but they work like a charm.

Oh yeah! The most important part is that after you follow all these rules, DO let everyone know that you're Canadian. This prop helps...

Best of, Mujahadeen Edition

I was wondering what would happen if a chat room malfunctioned somehow and people would post to other chat rooms by mistake. Does that make sense? I know, I know, I'm such a wordsmith. Here goes...

MESSAGE FROM THE SYSTEM ADMINISTRATOR:

Please bear with us (I originally wrote, "bare with me" and realized that that was an invitation to undress and totally inappropriate here) as we try to fix a glitch in our software. If your comment shows up in the wrong chat room, don't complain. We're working on it!!

Welcome to the knitting chat room, already in progress...

craftynana: Yes, I prefer to use a thicker yarn for those kinds of projects.

scrappingqueen: I've never heard of anyone doing that! How do you avoid knots?

jihad596: @kahlid69-I too pray for the day that the streets are bathed in the blood of the infidels! Praise be to Allah!

craftynana: I think you're in the wrong chat room.

jihad596: This isn't, "Mostly Mujahdeen"?

scrappingqueen: No! It's a knitting room.

do_n_yo_mom: Does anybody have the new XBox 360?

jihad596: This is a knitting chat room you capitalist pig!

btw, XBox sux, PlayStation is the only way to go.

craftynana: Get out of our chat room!!

buster_cherry: @oliver_closeoff- I'm telling you. NEVER let a girl order her food. Make the choice for her. Chicks love that shit!

jihad596: @crafty-Would you use a #5 or #6 needle with that thicker yarn? One of my wives wants to know, for sure not I. Allah be praised! He will give us victory!

@buster-You are so right!

craftynana: I'd go for the #5.

oliver_closeoff: @crafty and jihad-You're crazy! Use the #6 jihad.

jihad596: It's not for me, but I'll tell my wife. BTW, blessed be the fruit of jihad.

oprah_rulz: Has anyone read Oprah's new book club selection, "Night" by Eli Weisel?

craftynana: Yes, I read it. Get your hanky out. You'll need it! Excellent book.

jihad596: Of course you fall for Oprah's zionist propaganda! She and all your American media have manifested themselves as nothing but tools of the colonialist empires!

do_n_yo_mom: Dude! How do you get more than one wife?!

btw, he said, "tool" :)