Immaturity and Parenting

Even though I am a mom and have been for seven years, I sometimes can't believe it. It's amazing to me that anyone would let my husband and me have kids. What do we know? I kept thinking that the nurses at the hospital were going to discover that I was a fraud and take my kids from me, but they didn't, luckily! 

Anyway, I suppose I thought of soccer moms as having been soccer moms for their whole lives. Just like how you see your parents. (They also never had sex and when they did it was only a couple of times in order to have kids and they didn't enjoy it at all whatsoever) I'm still sure that I'm a test tube baby, so I don't have to worry about my parents doing gross things like the rest of you sad sacks do. 

Not that I really think I'm a bad parent. I am a good parent and so is my husband, I just wonder if anyone else stops and thinks it's crazy that you're in charge of these little human beings. I sometimes feel as immature as they are. I'll still laugh at a fart joke. Fart jokes are considered sophisticated humor in kindergarten. Kids who enjoy a good fart joke also sit around watching early Woody Allen movies and watch BBC comedies like, "The Office" because Sesame Street is so pedestrian. 

I have matured some since I have become a mom. Fart jokes aside, I have stopped being crazy and doing all kinds of dumb/dangerous stuff. After all, there is a time and place for everything and that's called college. 

Tae Kwon Do

My daughter and I do Tae Kwon Do together. We WILL become black belts, but for now we have to settle for orange belts. That color does nothing for me. I would like to summarize my feelings with another haiku:

Really want to be black belt

Have to work for it

Desolation (Hi!)

Sometimes you have to force a haiku to be a haiku.

HANDS ON A HARD BODY

Did I get your attention? I have to let you all know about the best documentary ever. It's called, "Hands on a Hard Body". It isn't what it sounds like, tho. It follows some contestants somewhere in Texas who compete to win a new truck. All they have to do is keep their hands on the truck for the longest amount of time.
The clip here will give you a taste of the group of people involved. Sounds kind of boring now that I say it. It's not, it's hilarious! Here is a clip to whet your appetite.

UPDATE:
This used to be my favorite clip, until my life took a tragic turn and I found out this guy is my real dad. : (

(neither here nor there tho)

Happy Father's Day!!

Happy Father's Day to all you great dads out there!

Check out The Jolly Green Dad's blog

Also check out Dorky Dad's blog

WOW! I'm pretty good!

I sometimes read the following blog: http://ringtailsquealer.blogspot.com

She is very funny and gives out an award that I will post underneath. Now, I know my mom looks at my blog and my friends say the do, but I know they just skim for their names and don't really read. At least that's probably what I would do. So, the jokes on them! It's just between you, my reader(s) and me. Please know that I in no way was awarded this award, but if everything goes right, my mom and friends will think I did and no one gets hurt. Shhhh...

Please go to the link above to see who really won...

Let's Hear it for Haikus!

My daughter came home with a school project that was about haikus. That got me to thinking. So, in honor of Devin, here goes an original haiku about my day...

Stressful day with kids
Going to mom-in-law's now
Beer, whine, alcohol

Not sure how to use punctuation or if things should be capitalized or not. I'm really a haiku beginner believe it or not. ; )
If any of you have a good one to share about your day, I would love to hear it!

Did I Overreact???

Okay....Where to start?

Just a little frustrated with my behavior at my daughter's soccer practice today.

Let me preface this with the fact that ever since I had my two kids, I lost my brain. I'm convinced a little came out with my placenta each time. Sorry for the visual, but if it makes you feel better, I make a damn good looking placenta if you ask me!
Neither here nor there! Focusing...

What I'm trying to say is that I can't remember anything anymore. Let's just say that I spend a large part of my day looking for keys.

Anyway, I go to soccer practice proud of the fact that my daughter (her name is Devin-thanks for asking) has clean socks and that I remembered to pick her friend up on the way. The girls get going, and I break out my Costco folding chair and proceed to find a location to camp out.

The "team mom" comes over and asks me for the check and order form for Devin's warm-ups and some other stuff. Of course I have to act like I knew this was due and scribble out a check. She also wants to know if Dev will be able to make it to some tournament in July. July?? Like I know what I'm doing in July. I lied to her and told her" yeah". Another mom wanted to know if she was going to make it to summer camp in August. August? What a joke. When another mom came up, I couldn't take it anymore. I couldn't keep my lies straight, I wanted to be congratulated for putting clean socks on my kid, etc. I had so many emotions going on and I just wanted it to stop, so I did the obvious. As the rest of you would have, I threw myself to the ground and yelled, "INCOMING!!". I know I handled it right since no one bothered me the rest of the time.

Okay, of course I didn't do that. Who would throw themselves to the ground? I tucked and rolled as to not hurt myself...