"I'm thirsty""I'm hungry""Who's my real dad?""My daughter is going into diabetic shock, can we have your orange juice?!"
The kids and I have been so sick. We've barely left our beds since saturday. Today is the first day I feel semi-human again. Maybe it was God's way of punishing me for being a total narcissist. No, that's crazy talk. God likes me best.
I'm still in kind of a NyQuil haze, so I don't even know if I'm making any sense. By the way, I LOVE NyQuil! The NyQuil coma is the best! The only other person who likes it as much as I do is Denis Leary:
You Are a Total Narcissist
Your ego is totally out of control - and you couldn't care less.
As far as you're concerned, you're the most important person in the world - and everyone should treat you as such.
While it's good to have high self esteem, you also have a strong sense of entitlement.
You think you deserve more and better than everyone else... and that's not cool.
Yes, yes! In your face, losers!!! I won. I'm better than all of you! It's been brought, bitches!!!
Oooops! I forgot to use the royal "we"
PS-Still waiting for our millions. Left a message for the guy. He must be busy. (inside joke)
PPS-We hope you all brought your lunch boxes, 'cause we're about to take you to school if da old man has another non-prize winning contest!!
As long as we didn't sound immature and self centered.
You are really too kind! I wonder who might win the next, "The Soccer Mom is F@$%ING Hilarious Award"? Hmmmm...
PS-Da Old Man was not consulted nor informed that he bestowed this honor upon me in any way whatsoever.
I am not being a fuddy-duddy or PC nut: believe me, I do get the humour - I just think that the funny side is outweighed by the more serious implications.
I think that the imagery created combined with the action of pulling the knives in and out is capable of affecting some people (especially some kids) in a negative way. I think that in this day-and-age of heightened knife crime even one serious incident incited by this product is one incident too many.
I have complained to the HQ of a well-known dept store and they have taken the items off their shelf. If you see these on the shelves and also find them offensive, please complain. You don't even have to follow your complaint up if you don't want to. Just keep a copy of your letter as proof that you did complain just in case a serious incident occurs. Manufacturers and suppliers need to be made accountable.
I made a voodoo doll for this person and I'm hoping it will work. He/She needs to die so we can clean up our gene pool a little.
PS-I just figured out that "Does.......fat" is taken. I hated that name anyway.
Wow! That almost started getting serious there for a minute! Let me post a very immature picture with a District of Columbia theme to keep my blog lowbrow and superficial where it belongs.
Oh yeah!! We also poked around Ocean City, MD since I have some family who live nearby. They always insist we go to the boardwalk like it's the goddamn Louvre or something! Oh well, my husband was in need of a new, "Bikini Inspector" t-shirt anyway.
The reason for our trip back east, my cousin's wedding, went off "without a hitch" last night. Hahahahahahahahaha! Did you get my hilarious and clever pun? I don't even have to try sometimes.
I'm afraid to comment more, because I'm not sure if anyone found out that I have a blog. What if I make fun of the wrong person and they see it? Believe me, my family is fertile comedy ground! Just not sure how to go about it. Will have an inner dialog about it later and decide how to proceed on that front.
Anyway, we are in the lovely town of St. Michaels, Maryland. Now we are going to D.C. to visit more relatives and I suppose there are a few points of interest we could show the kids as well. I heard there's an okay museum and some statues and such worth a peek. We'll see.
I'm packing up now. Isn't it funny how you can't fit all your clothes back into your suitcase the way you did when you packed to leave? I guess my new giant tv remote doesn't help.
Thank you to everyone who sent their well wishes! It worked and we made it to Maryland in four whole pieces.
I'm not sure how the plane trip went exactly. I did the responsible thing and decided to self medicate with a little bloody mary or two to start off with. I panicked when we hit some turbulence, tried to ignore it by picking up the Sky Mall magazine, got confused and I'm not sure, but I think I might now own a 16th Century Italian Replica Globe, an aquarium coffee table, a Mount Rushmore garden statue, a solar powered mole repeller, a Don Knotts signed photograph, a giant tv remote and some pillow, nap thingy. (photo below) As you can tell by the sheer amount of items, my fugue state lasted a while.
Since I don't have a mole problem, I'm pretty sure I bought the mole repeller because I thought the picture was funny. You be the judge.
Remember kids! Alcohol and Sky Mall DO NOT mix. I never knew there we so many non-existent problems that needed addressing!
Don't get me wrong, it's going to be a lot of fun. It's just the getting there and the trip home that I hate. If you would be so kind as to send some good thoughts my way today, I would be very grateful! Don't get me wrong, if there is a problem and I have to land the plane, fix a faulty engine in mid air or save all of us from a crazed hijacker, I will. But I'll be pretty goddamn pissed off if I have to. (if my mom is reading this, yes, I know I ended that sentence in a preposition. Who cares! I'm probably going to die today anyway.) My husband won't hear the end of it.
Hopefully, my lovely reader(s), you will not hear about a plane going from LAX to Dulles that meets an unkind fate. I hate to be dramatic, but, "Goodbye cruel world!".
I know, enough about me already, but I'm an only child. The whole world revolves around me. This is fact.
One of my fave blogs, Crotchety Old Man Yells at Cars, has awarded me the famed Arte y Pico Award. The fact that the author of a great blog like that actually reads mine and comes back is a great compliment.
First off, let's get the business part out of the way.
1) You have to pick 5 blogs that you consider deserve this award, creativity, design, interesting material, and also contributes to the blogger community, no matter of language.
2) Each award has to have the name of the author and also a link to his or her blog to be visited by everyone.
3) Each award-winning, has to show the award and put the name and link to the blog that has given her or him the award itself.
4) Award-winning and the one who has given the prize have to show the link of “Arte y pico”blog , so everyone will know the origin of this award.
5) To show these rules.
I am going to start off with a blog that I like a lot. Original G.R.I.T.S. stole my heart when she wrote me, "the only think Juicy in my house are the stains on the living room carpet". So, please stop by and give her some love!
Since I am so obviously sophisticated and cosmopolitan, my next recipient is Lisa from Sweden. She reads my blog all the way from Geneva!! Crazy, huh? (inside joke) Anyway, her blog, Mitt liv som asiL, is great. It helps to know Swedish, but she is kind enough to put up a lot of pictures to keep me entertained. (it's all about me, remember) I just looked on there today and saw a picture of my blog! Between you and me, this could be either REALLY good or REALLY bad. PANIC! What if she's making fun of me? How embarrassing! If anyone knows Swedish, please help me out! And don't sugar coat it, people. I can take it. It's gonna take too long to sit down with a Swedish/English dictionary and go word for word. Besides, who the hell knows if A comes before Å...
Another blog that makes me laugh every day is E-mail Rubbish. Please check it out. Any blog that gives me a, "content warning" before I can see it gets my vote! Tommy is pretty damn funny.
And here I am, The European reader! (I'm actually watching Spongebob with my daughter as Im writing this.) Belive it or not, all europeans don't like speedos ;-)I visited Lisa's blog and quite enjoyed it, and as soon as I learn Swedish, I'll enjoy it a lot more. Maybe I'll go to Ikea today and brush up.
So...I'm no't offended that you think Spongebob looks funny in his speedos, because I do to. :-P But I suppose I am some what offended that u think all europeans are in love with speedos...no.. wait a minute. It turns out I dont care after all.:-D
Have a great day! And from now on u have a reader from Sweden (no..not Switzerland..Sweeeden)/Lisa
Now, I have to clarify a few things. As all Americans know, Scandinavia is not a part of what I call the "speedomain". "Speetotalitarianism" never got that far north. Duh!
Anyway, thanks to Lisa for her comments! I love my fans!!